Speaking of Cats

This happened the other day . . .

I was sitting at the kitchen table after dinner reading when I heard the children in the town-house next to mine start calling out, “here kitty-kitty-kitty!” and so on, as if a cat has ever once in the last ten thousand years come when called.

A moment later the cat started meowing. I figured it was their cat and ignored the whole thing: the children calling and the cat meowing, obnoxiously. Eventually the children quit and must have gone back inside, but the cat kept going, for like ten minutes. It seemed to me that the meowing was uncommonly loud and I decided to peek out our back sliding door, flipping on the lights. And there was the cat, staring at me.

As soon as it saw me it took its meowing and whining up several notches, pawing at the screen to be let in. I crouched down to look at it through the glass and it got up on two legs, a strange mix of purrs and meows and whines issuing from it.

So I ignored it and went back to reading.

Still the thing would not quit, it got louder and more desperate and I could hear its claws cutting into the screen. I started to feel bad for it, I don’t know why, and forgetting that cats have no problem procuring their own food, I assumed it was hungry and decided to give it a bowl of milk. What do I know?

So I filled a bowl and went to open the sliding door. When the cat saw me it got louder again.

Cat: “Mreowror!”

Me: “Here kitty, here’s some milk.”

As I opened the door the cat backed away a little. I set down the milk. The cat took one look at it and ran away meowing, disappearing into the swamp.

Me: “Hey, what the fuck!?”

Cat: “Ha! I have inconvenienced you!”

I hate cats.


~ by Peter on December 31, 2007.

2 Responses to “Speaking of Cats”

  1. good, i don’t like cats either.
    they are rude, and pull little acts of stupidness like that all the time.

  2. Cats aren’t rude they just live life by their rules.
    Believe me, I’ve had them my entire life.
    It’s the quiet moments when they open up and let you know they actually have a heart that makes you love them.
    Did you know cats only purr in the presence of a human?
    Pretty funky shit, huh?
    Thanks for the visit.

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